he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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