its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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