i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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