She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
