She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Never underestimate the power of titties
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
