i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
