Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
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