I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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