You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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