I accidentally burped into my bong.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
