I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Let's get the cat blown out
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
