P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
