We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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