i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
