im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
