our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
