So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
