Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Randomize
