who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
