At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
