Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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