we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
