i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
