No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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