I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
