So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
