Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
