your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
