I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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