the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
