Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
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