U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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