his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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