Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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