i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Randomize
