you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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