I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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