so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
