dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
