The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
