Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
