turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
