I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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