3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
