Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
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