she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
