I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
