I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
