I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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