My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
