He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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