the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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