im gay
i know
yea but for you.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
