Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
